When you feel overwhelmed. Your plate is full. So full that things keep slipping. And when you try to pick them back everything else starts to fall too. You end up in this state of limbo, just barely managing to keep it all together. Just surviving.


Finally, you say no to something. You prioritize. Until you only have the essentials. Only what you really need and want. And finally, you can breathe. Finally, you can take five minutes. Finally, you can live without feeling like you are dying.


Then someone says something. Someone reminds you that you  had to say no. Someone tells you it’s not that bad. That you are just being a coward.


You smile. Laugh. Take it like a joke. And they chuckle and walk away. Not seeing the self-doubt leak into your head. Don’t see the pain ooze from your heart. Don’t see how you stop breathing.


What do you do then? What happens when someone steals your air? What happens when you are drowning in your own head?


In the garden, when all of the world was on His shoulders, Jesus did not act like He was all good. Like He was excited to die. In fact, He told the disciples, “My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death.” The Bible says He became “grieved and distressed”. God does not expect you to be perfect. To never struggle. To never fear. He did not come for perfect people.

“It is not the healthy that need a doctor, but the sick. Likewise I have not come to call the righteous, but the sinners.” Mark 2:17

God does not want perfection. He wants humanity. He wants you to go to Him with your quirks and weirdness. With all the cracks in your skin. All the bruises on your heart and all the doubts in your head. He wants to share in the despair and the joy. You don’t have to be happy all the time for Him to love you. He knows that happiness is fleeting. God loves your heart that bleeds and your mind that drowns itself.

And best of all, He understands. He’s been there. You can take it to Him and He won’t tell you to suck it up. Won’t tell you to get over it. Won’t belittle it. Won’t trivialize you. Instead, He brings you an oxygen tank. He sits with you until you can breathe again. He turns on a light and helps you up. Then He takes your hand as you start walking again. Step by step. Breathe by breathe.




Alright, I am going to do this entire post from quotes. Well, entire post from here on.


Sometimes it hurts. It hurts so much that you feel like your chest will cave in, and the only thing stopping it are the gasps of air you take in between the tears

Pain is a gift. Without the capacity for pain, we can’t feel the hurt we inflict

Trusting God in the light is easy, but to trust Him in the dark, that is hard.

Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny

Courage doesn’t always roar, sometimes it is a quiet voice at the end of the day that says I will try again tomorrow

When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don’t throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer

Don’t dig up in doubt what you panted in faith

Life with God is not immunity from difficulties, but peace in difficulties

No pressure, no diamonds

Stars can’t shine without darkness

We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be

You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice

A ship is safe in harbor, but that is not what ships are for


It takes nothing to join the crowd. It takes everything to stand alone

If you live for people’s acceptance, you will die from their rejection

How we walk with the broken speaks louder than how we sit with the great

And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good



I don’t really know if that made sense, but it was fun. Bonus points to anyone who can tell me where the quotes are from.

Senior Quote: “Any fool can know, the point is to understand.”- Albert Einstien

Quote I want to apply to my Life: “She’s at peace, and yet somehow on fire.” -Samantha King

Quote of the Day: “Thinking is difficult, that’s  why most people judge.”- Carl Gustav Jung





Sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage, and I promise something great will come of it






Sometimes I feel like I am drowning. Today, I choose to drown in Jesus.

I used to imagine a leap of faith would include learning how to fly. Fall down, get back up, over and over until I learned to fly. Spread my wings and just fly above the world. I think that is what most people imagine.

But, maybe, a leap of faith means jumping into the ocean. Maybe instead of learning how to fly above the world, you learn how to swim through the world. You learn that if you let it in, you will die. The water makes you tired and after awhile it burns your lungs, begging you to take a breathe, but as soon as you do, it fills you and blocks out any chance of relief. Maybe Jesus is our air. Maybe the only way for us to survive is to break through the water and take a deep breathe of His pure, refreshing air. And yes, you will have to go back under the water, back into the world, but He is in you and makes it bearable. Maybe even enjoyable. Maybe His oxygen helps you open your eyes and see the beauty of the world, but also the darkness. Maybe the Bible is your oxygen tank, helping you breathe no matter how far down you are. And maybe, He is asking you to dive deep and help somebody else breach the surface and to breathe His oxygen. Maybe, just maybe, you can learn to swim.

I started my first job two weeks ago, and after my first week, a friend asked me if I was ‘surviving or drowning’, which got me thinking about how life is a lot like swimming. Last week I had a thirty-nine hour work week. It was crazy and most of the time I felt like I was just keeping my head above the water. But I did it. Thankfully, this week I only work twenty-five hours. Today was not the best, and honestly, I feel like somebody is trying to hold me under the water. I keep struggling, even though I know it only makes things worse. I know I need to give up the struggle and let God pull me up. I know that the only reason I am still under the water is because I refuse to come up. And yet here I am. Screaming for air, yet holding my breath. What a human thing to do.

Have you ever stood on a beach just before a storm hits? It is the most surreal experience. You can feel it in the cool air, smell it on the wind as it picks up speed. But to look out over the ocean, you can almost convince yourself it won’t happen. The water is gentle as it lapses up to your feet. It looks peaceful. Except for the gathering clouds on the horizon. But you do so enjoy the view, so you convince yourself that it’ll be fine. The storm will never reach the shore. But then in the blink of an eye, the waters start to rage. The air becomes electrified with the storm that you tried so hard to ignore. And you are swept up in the tempest beating down around you. And you come out of it with a new respect for water. It can be the most peaceful thing you see, but it can also be the most deadly thing you experience.

Life is so much like water. One day it can be full of hope and the next it can be trying to drown you with it’s weight. Isn’t it good to know that God offers you a rock to stand on, so that you can not be shaken? Isn’t even better to know that Jesus walks on water. It can not pull Him down.

Which is good, I need Him to be able to see where I am going. As long as He knows, it’ll be good. I think I am starting to see where I need to go. But it’s scary. It’s a long way from shore. Farther than I have ever dared ventured. But if that is where God is leading me, then I will follow. For His ways are higher than my ways, and His thought are higher than my thoughts.

So, that’s where I am right now. Breathing in His air. Letting Him teach me how to swim. Learning His direction. And knowing no matter how far or deep I go, He can always go farther and dive deeper.


Other Thoughts:

Wisdom is quiet because words are powerful.

Scars are a beautiful reminder that the pain won’t always bleed.

Florida is a REALLY long way from Ohio.


Romantic is not a word most people would use to describe me. Sarcastic, yes. Weird, yes. But romantic? Not typically.

Surprisingly though, I am very much a romantic.

For example, yesterday we were going to a graduation party and we were passing through a little town out in the middle of nowhere. We saw two people, a male and a female, walking down the street of this dusty little town in a tux and a dress. They looked like they were going to a wedding. Or from a wedding maybe, his vest was unbuttoned and his tie was tugged loose. And in all reality this is probably what was happening. Tis’ the season. BUT. I preferred the idea that they were on a date and had decided to dress up in their best and just walk around town. Doing normal things like getting ice cream. That idea was much more appealing to me, than just ‘they were on their way home from a wedding.’

Photos are also my weakness. There is just something about spreading photos on your bedroom floor and remembering. I don’t mean pictures from a photo shoot. I mean photos taken on a normal day. Random and… real. Don’t even get me started on home videos.

Today I was finishing The Ishbane Conspiracy. (Great book, highly suggested by myself) And it was talking about God and how the girl was eagerly awaiting her Bridegroom. And it hit me… This is the greatest romance story in all of time. God fights for us, comforts us, laughs with us, cries with us. He laid down his life to protect us. He loves to hear about our every day lives. The little things. He carries us when we can’t move. And He eagerly awaits when He can walk across the threshold into the place He has built especially for us.He is our best friend and He LOVES us. In the most intimate of ways. He knows us better than we know ourselves.

*mind blown*

It’s not like I have never heard this or thought about it. But today it just kind of clicked all new.


Insightful Thoughts of the Day:

  1. Sometimes in our thirst for knowledge, we lose wisdom.
  2. The best way to defeat the enemy is to know him. We cannot hate him. For in hating him, we serve him.
  3. The key to control is the follow through.
  4. Sometimes the view we want isn’t the one we need.
  5. My thought process is less like a spider web and more like a chicken running around with it’s head cut off.


I am currently sitting in my closet, which is freshly cleaned and reorganized, staring into my room, which is much less clean. But I am tired and I will deal with that tomorrow. Along with about a million other things. BUT! On the bright side, my closet is clean and organized. Woo Woo!

Have you ever started one project and then did pretty much anything but that project? I have. On a daily basis, practically. It’s not that I’m not productive, it’s just that I hardly ever seem to get done what I meant to get done. Like my room, for instance. This was all meant to be done LAST week… But instead I spent the week at my aunt ad uncle’s house, helping prepare for my cousins graduation party. It was a VERY productive week. Just not how I intended.

This seems to describe life pretty well… It never seems to go as planned. Or at least, not how we planned it. We can plan for months ahead, but then something happens and… fa-da! New, last minute plan arises. I like to call these obstacles, adventures.

It’s a lot more fun to think of it that way. Like the adventure where all the electricity went out in town, so all of our neighbors came and hung out on our front porch in the middle of the night. (Because it was also ridiculously hot out) And all us kids laid out on a sleeping bag, and there was a big fight down the street. It wasn’t the best of circumstances, definitely not what we had planned, but it turned out to be one of my favorite memories.

Our lives are full of bad circumstances. But our circumstances don’t make us who we are. How we handle those circumstances does.

It’s like the debate I had with the leader of my Wednesday night class. Her daughter accidentally dropped her phone down a garbage chute and it was destroyed. I laughed, she did not. She thinks it is irresponsible to laugh at that kind of thing, because she says if one laughs at such a thing that one does not understand the value of said thing. I explained to her that it was not due to ungratefulness that I laughed. I’m not going to go around throwing phones down garbage chutes for entertainment. I laughed because there wasn’t a thing that could’ve been done to stop it. And I appreciate God’s sense of humor. We agreed to disagree.

The point is this, in any situation you are given two choices: you can make the most of it, or you can fret over it. I have tried both. I suggest making the most of it.

That’s all for today. Have a great one!


We are getting a puppy! AFJSGDIDHDJKD! It’s a lab/something or other terrier mix. Black male. And we are naming him Elvis Strider. AFHGFHFHGFJMDSAHGKJ! Okay, I’m cool. I’m fine.

Losing My Best Friend

Losing My Best Friend

Okay, before I start I would like to note that tears are sort of blurring my eyes, so if what I write doesn’t make sense that’s why. And if what I say sounds cold or disconnected, it’s not because I’m unfeeling, it’s just how I’m coping. I don’t like to talk about my emotions.

Tonight our beloved dog died. Her name was Ginger. She was a pug/jack Russel terrier mix. She hated anything new. Loved having the ridge between her eyes rubbed. She was my most trusted confidant. She was my best friend. I loved her so much.Ginger

This picture is from a few years ago. She was five. Mac was, obviously, just a pup.

She loved to just lay with you. I’m not big on touch, but there was always something comforting about having her stretched out beside me as I worked on school or read a book. She would lay there so patiently when I would rant about whatever I was upset about. If I ranted for to long she would start to look worried, like she was worried I was mad at her.

And sometimes she was super annoying. Like all dogs. She would do the stupidest things. I’m going to miss that.

I could go on forever. But I think that’s all I’ll say tonight.



It is a time honored tradition that at the beginning of every year my family looks back and discusses some major things we learned through the year. This year was very rich in giving us life lessons. There was a lot of bad, but hey, how else do we learn?

Though this year has been rough, there have been some good things. A couple of personal triumphs. This year was the first year I have been excited for Christmas in seven years. There had been an incident on Christmas morning that kind of ruined Christmas for me. I also FINALLY and COMPLETELY forgave my big brother. Those are stories for another time, so we’ll leave it at ‘praise God!’ And I survived my sixteenth year! Yay! Tomorrow’s my bday!

The lessons we learned this year are innumerable. But I have got the main ones down. So here are our top five lessons of the year.

  1. God promises to help us carry our load. He doesn’t expect us to carry it alone.
  2. It doesn’t matter how much darkness surrounds you, God always gives an opportunity for light to help see. You just have to choose to turn on the lamp.
  3. God’s plans are not our plans. He has the whole picture. We only see a little bit. One day we will be thankful for the 2015 year. Because we will see how it was part of the beautiful tapestry.
  4. God is good all the time. And all the time God is good. Even when…
  5. Seasons of life pass. Sometimes it’s really hard to let go.

Our lessons were not necessarily taught easily. But they sure were taught well. He has a plan. Faith, Trust, and a whole lot of Jesus.

So ends this chapter in our life. Goodbye 2015! May you live long in our memories!

Hello 2016! It’s time to see what you have in store for us! May it be a great adventure!

What are your top five lessons of 2015?